A man who has done his inner work has found his way into his heart. He is willing to put himself on display, revealing his naked soul. When he has touched the deep well of love within himself, he has found access to his "inner gold." He is now free to share his love with the world and give his heart to his Beloved, fully.

A woman who has done her inner work demands from a man his greatest. She will not receive his heart as long as self-serving motives come attached with it. Her incredible capacity for intimacy makes her a true servant of Divine Love. She is aware of the sacredness of her gift. It is so profoundly deep that she will not fully reveal and share it unless she feels it in her core that a man can truly receive it. Her need is to feel safe.

To drink the love potion and fall in love is easy. To find safe and sustainable intimacy requires deep, embodied soul work. Only when we begin to understand the ways of the Divine do we become Love's worthy recipient.

Client shares that she has been doubting herself. Her approach to life. Pushing herself to find balance and consolation in the seemingly broken parts of existence. Underneath the overt narrative of desperation, a tangible joyful sound is implicitly moving through her voice. It presents itself as a portal to enter deeper into essence.

Through my imaginal descent into the quality of her voice, a weightless presence is invited to enter the space. As it grows, moments of silence become longer. We both acknowledge the Presence and its feminine character.

After a period of silence, I ask the client what is alive in her awareness. She describes a picture — it is as if she is held like a child by a greater Self, which feels like a mother. I encourage her to expand her point of view — to allow herself to grow into that which is holding "her." Let this presence have all of you. Become one with it.

It is now time to let yourself back into life. To receive yourself as the precious Beauty you are, untainted by the harshness of the world. You no longer have a need to dim your radiance for the world. You have become independent of the opinions of other people. This is a moment of true psychological birth.

The true groom is willing to relinquish his pride. In humility he kneels down and hands the crown over to the true bride. He has come to honor Her, in all her forms. He no longer uses her for his own gratification. He has stepped through the resentments carried by his immaturity and protected by his pride. Instead of using her to compensate for what he never had, he has now come to be her humble servant. The self-serving agenda of the false groom has vanished.

She can feel his genuineness, for his want is not motivated by lack. She feels moved to let the space within her to be filled. But before she can receive him, she has to relinquish her armoring — her identification with the goddess, the stripping of all her cosmic superpowers. She has to arrive at his door with empty hands, as the woman she is. She, too, cannot wear a false crown. Only then can she receive her true glory through him.

For the true groom and true bride to meet, both must have stepped past childhood and adolescence. Both must endure the fire of being reduced from cosmic inflation to their actual size. Only then can Man and Woman meet and truly see each other.

One cannot be a conscious individual without being fully related to these two aspects of life — divine and human reality — one present within the other.

Spiritual bypassing is a defensive process whereby we use a set of spiritual and/or esoteric concepts and practices to forgo basic psychological work by prematurely exiting either inner immediate experience or the encounter with the world. Spiritual bypass shields us from the Truth.

Over the years it has become clear to me — by virtue of my own journey as well as working with countless people in spiritual communities — that it is very easy to engage in this. I would go so far as to say that it has become endemic.

Why have we accumulated a thick and nasty spiritual shadow? Spiritual practices are now a commodity. Akin to over-the-counter analgesics, spiritual bypassing fits neatly into our collective habit of seeking pleasure and avoiding pain. It protects us from the unpleasantness of our wounding, while also furnishing a rationalization for why we are employing it.

No surprise that we so desperately seek refuge in a transcendent place in the face of inner soreness and pain. Yet abandoning ourselves without actually meeting face to face with what is alive in and around us won't calm the raging fire within. Never. One cannot escape a place we have never been to.

In my experience, the only robustly fruitful approach is the honest, related, intimate encounter with oneself and another human being — inner work carried out in a container wherein our emotional wounding can be felt and explored. Many spiritual practices can be helpful and perhaps necessary, but utterly insufficient if we are to strive for an embodied spirituality — a spirituality that is grounded, sincere, and authentic, fully related to two aspects of life — divine and human reality — one present within the other.

There is a limitless amount of ways spiritual bypassing can express itself. Below is a sample of characteristics I have seen time and again within myself and in clients:

• Bias toward detachment, numbing, repression
• Neglect and judgment of the emotional process
• Overemphasis of the positive ("follow your bliss")
• Anger and desire phobia
• Body transcendence with concomitant body armoring and restricted breath
• Blind or overly tolerant compassion and rescuing
• Spiritual pride — defensive use of carrying others' problems or excessive advice giving
• Idealism vs. realism ("spiritual Puer aeternus")
• Responsibility deflection ("it's just an illusion anyways")
• Entitlement: "I deserve… because I am spiritual"
• Overuse of the word "ego" to escape one's shame or shadow side
• Debilitating judgment of the personal narrative relative to the transpersonal
• Relativism/solipsism: perception equals reality
• Delusions of having arrived at a higher level of being
• Equating individuation with Enlightenment
• Intellectualizing instead of embodying

What has been present in the field for me lately is an awareness of the "wounded feminine." A part of her is withdrawn and hurt. Waiting to be seen but not wanting to — because our current reference frame for viewing "Her" is off. We are not providing a safe place for her. We are not ready to let Her beauty, love, and radiance shine forth because we are not attuning ourselves to what really matters in life.

The "false bride" and everything she stands for dominates our modern world — fame, appearance, money, how many likes you get online. So much is about "self-image," surface, and the overtly sensual. Having worked with young women for many years, I cannot say enough about how much they are hurting. Deep down they know how beautiful they are. Hence confusion ensues if physical appearance does not meet the conditions projected by our world. Beauty is associated with so many conditions that literally no one can fulfill them — everyone feels inferior, unlovable, that there is something "wrong."

Men, it's time to step it up. Not with bravado and false self-confidence. True warriors need not impress. Dare to see the radiant beauty in all women. Don't close your heart — have the courage to feel "Her." Once you see it in all women, dare to see Her in all men. The Feminine is there as well. From there, see and feel it in everything.

Women, embrace your soul and dare to go beyond what you "think" you should be. Know that your inner radiance surpasses the pleasantness of your appearance. Know your sacredness, hold it most dear, and reveal it only to those who deserve it as evidenced by their Honor of your true Soul.

When we allow ourselves to change the way we look at things, the world of appearance will lift its veil and Her true Beauty will shine forth. The Radiance of Love is yours forever.

I had a session with a mentoring client today. We have been working together for over two years. As she shared the week's vicissitudes with me, I allowed myself to breathe in all of the perceived torment in her field. The inner male tyrant was attacking her feminine essence in the form of thoughts.

As we moved through this process, a space opened up that ascended us both into a realm of utter tranquility, peace, and power. We both merged in this space and were able to use it as a means of reflection — a space from which the trials of her life could be viewed more objectively. We both were no longer individuals in the world; rather, we became a greater space within which the world of form exists. With the passage of time, the contents of consciousness became increasingly immaterial. A deep silence emerged, which had no beginning and end.

Union states like this often appear when two individuals allow themselves to be vulnerable and open for prolonged periods of time characterized by inner anguish and torment. This eternal presence reveals itself only through Grace. It cannot be forced, only invited by surrender. This field of love holds the power to endure all suffering that life lays upon us.

At the end of the session, a caveat was shared: union states often unearth more contents from the unconscious, which require reorganization and integration. Yet it is nothing one needs to be concerned about as long as one's identification rests with the field, rather than with the content of the field.

Life wants to love you. It is waiting for your surrender. Many wait until they have exhausted all options promised by the personal narrative. Like the waves on the ocean, the outer appearances of life come and go. What remains hidden to most are the treasures and jewels that can be found deep, deep down, far, far in.

The reservoir of love can be called on at any time. No conditions need to be fulfilled by "you" to access what is unconditional. Waiting is optional. Go diving for Yourself and bathe in the splendor of your Love.

There was a clear theme present throughout this week in my work. Many a chronic health or psychological issue is motivated by love — a love that only the small child knows, a love that operates according to magical belief systems:

"Mom, I love you so much that I want to be with you, always. I will follow you, even in your illness. It's better that I go instead of you. I don't want you to die. Therefore I am going to die for you. I am going to take your pain and suffering. I give up my childhood to save you."

Whenever someone loves in this way, he or she naturally is vulnerable to becoming chronically ill. This deep desire to atone and compensate for someone else's fate resides deep in the unconscious. By bringing these fundamental dynamics to light, it is possible to dismantle them of their power and disentangle the person from much suffering and pain.

For healing to occur, a child must honor the parent's fate: "I did it out of love. I didn't know what I was doing. I am now allowing myself to be a child again, free from the burden of what was not meant to be mine. May order be restored in the system. May the truth set us free."

Client: I feel tired of my relationship with my wife. I feel as if she is judging and rejecting me. I have tried everything. She is not letting me in. I don't think I can change anything.

Me: Rather than choosing a story of her judging and rejecting you — what would happen if you would allow yourself to drop deeply into yourself, into a place where your assumptions are replaced by true vision? A great deal of power resides in those areas "in-between." I am willing to share with you what I "see."

She is waiting for you. There is a great deal of longing in her. She is sad that you have resigned yourself to seeing an object instead of the true soul you have married. She has given you the key to her sacred space. Even though you have not used this key, she still has not changed the lock. She wants your love in the form of strength and presence. A strength that cuts through the toxic thickness of the relational field you both have created.

Client: Wow.

Me: This relationship is not happening "to" you. The condition of our inner relational configurations are often perfect mirrors for what takes place on the "outside." Everything I shared about your wife's "heart" would also be an accurate depiction of the condition of your own inner feminine, your feeling soul. There is no difference between you "seeing" your wife and allowing yourself to receive yourself fully.

I had a conversation with Dr. Jung the other day. We entered into a deep discussion about how self-realization might be distinct from individuation. In my experience, both terms denote separate stages in psycho-spiritual development and should therefore not be conflated.

Jung's concept of individuation describes how elements of the immature psyche become integrated into a well-functioning whole — what Jung called the Self. It is the psychic nucleus and sum total of personality. From the viewpoint of the Self, we gain a more objective understanding of the nature of the ego. This shows good correspondence to Maslow's "self-actualization."

In distinction to Jung, it makes more sense to me to reserve a capital "S" Self for stages of self-transcendence — in which the individual ego or self are no longer the nucleus of identification, and notions of you, me, relationship, and integration are merely arbitrary abstractions. Individuation or psychic integration are merely stepping stones en route to even greater stages of Self-realization.

Is individuation a necessary stage to reach Self-realization? I am not qualified to answer this definitively. But what I do know is that the individuation process generally begins with a wounding of the ego-personality — which is often an entry point to a deepening of one's spirituality. At this wounding stage, I often find people caught up in what I call "spiritual bypassing," a mode in which ego, self, and Self are often blurred.

Dr. Jung, forgive me if I misinterpret your work. But I found it important to clarify, to prevent further confusion and blurring.

Of late, I have been reading several posts that express confusion about the concept of self-love. Some argue that self-love is endemic in our culture and that we need more love for others instead. Whilst the self-less service portion of the argument appears to be true, I believe that the self-love criticism is predicated on an erroneous assumption.

It is useful to distinguish three concepts that often get conflated: (1) self-love; (2) self-esteem; and (3) narcissism. Self-esteem exists on a spectrum — an excess is regarded as narcissism, and too little is a robust predictor of poor mental health. Both extremes are shame-based. In contrast to self-love, self-esteem is based on superiority/inferiority self-evaluations. Self-love is not — it often enters the picture when self-esteem fails.

Self-love has the ability to deactivate the threat/fight-flight system and activate the self-soothing system associated with feelings of security and safety. Self-esteem, in contrast, is an evaluation of superiority/inferiority aimed at establishing social rank. Researchers hypothesize that self-love has the ability to act as a moderator to rebuild self-esteem in times of hardship.

We don't have an excess of self-love in our culture. What we have an abundance of is narcissism and shame — and its concomitant superiority/inferiority appraisals: "I am better than," "I am less than," "I must be seen as," "I deserve." While healthy self-esteem is essential, all appraisals of self are arbitrary and subject to change — a house of cards. Self-love, in contrast, is an ever-present option that awaits choice. It is not an idea — it is a way of life.